A Rant.............

So, I'm feeling down. So I'm feeling anxious. But, you know what makes me the angriest? Is friends who say they are there for you but when you really feel like you need someone to talk to they seem to busy to find five minutes to talk. Or it feels like pulling teeth to get them to go do something with you. I'm tired of feeling like I am not wanted...like I've worn out my welcome. If you don't want me around just fucking say so. Don't pretend to want to hang out with me out of pity. Don't make five billion excuses why you can't do something...just say I don't feel like doing anything...sorry.  I don't believe I need to up my meds at this point....although my depression maybe coming back I think I can handle it...and no it is not seasonal affective disorder. I have depression 365 days a year...sometimes more present than others. I also know my friends aren't doctors and that it's sometimes hard to understand the depression cycle. I don't like feeling depressed...I like when I feel more positive. I am NOT doing it for attention or anything like that (same with my other issues...they are a negative way I cope with things) it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. If you think I'm doing it for attention well piss off...until you have had to cope with depression you know nothing. You know nothing of the daily struggle it is to get out of bed to go to school, to go to work, to even shower and get dressed. It would be like me saying just because of my background in psych and human services that I know everything about how someone with bi-polar feels. Even if I did have bi-polar each individual is different. Just like some meds work for some...but not others. Arrgh...I just get frustrated and I hate feeling not wanted.
PS-If you think this about you..maybe it is...but that is your problem. I am not trying to single anyone person out per se.